Aviation Et Cetera

2009-02-26T14:46:00.001-07:00

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Obama - bail-out companies must justify perks and jets

2009-02-23T16:08:00.002-07:00

"Companies receiving federal aid are going to have to disclose publicly all the perks and luxuries bestowed upon senior executives, and provide an explanation to the taxpayers and to shareholders as to why these expenses are justified." While flight departments were not specifically cited, they seem unlikely to escape this scrutiny.

NBAA President Ed Bolen countered : "Instead of discouraging companies from accepting and using business airplanes or any other strategic business asset, policymakers should be looking for ways to increase general aviation manufacturing jobs, promote economic development in communities without commercial airline service, and facilitate productivity and efficiency at companies trying to do more with less."

More Guidelines for New Student Pilots

2009-02-11T11:26:00.007-07:00

This appeared in Australian Aviation Magazine (June 2000 - Long story how I found it NOW!)

Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.
Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.
It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.
The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.
When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.
A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.
The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.
Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.
Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.
Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take-offs you've made.
There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.
You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.
Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.
If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.
In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.
Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.
It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.
Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.
Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to repeal.
The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.

Top Ten Signs that You're an Aviation Addict

2009-02-05T12:50:00.006-07:00

You speed dial ATIS
You whine and fret on every nice day that you're not up in the air (instrument students and pilots add low cloudy days)
You whine and fret every day that the wx is too bad for flying
get DUATS or a wx briefing on days you can't fly, just to see if the wx is really as nice for flying as it looks
You get DUATS or a wx briefing on days with awful wx, just to assure yourself that the wx really would be too bad to fly
You learn mental methods for flight planning, and spend boring meetings planning flying trips
You calculate every expenditure in terms of flight hours (50 cents at the candy machine every day that's 0.01 flight hours!
Your girlfriend is made of aluminum and her name starts with an 'N'.
You get in your car and find that it drives itself the the airport.
You become an instructor so you can be paid to go for airplane rides!

Top Visitors in January

2009-02-01T17:00:00.004-07:00

Thanks to Our Top Visitors in January!

Give these fine blogs a visit - they're all fabulous and they support Levity Aviation Humor.

(We could all use a little Levity!)


Good Life Review
Retro Yakking
Bingo Sites Online for Women
Beyond Feron
Diet Recipes Blog
vanillaseven.com
Back to School for Grownups
Christina's Movie Review Mania
Whatever Comes To My Mind
Online Social Networking

Safety Briefing

2009-01-26T09:55:00.001-07:00

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight
safety lecture" a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples
that have been heard or reported:

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways
out of this airplane..."

"Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event of an
emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."

"We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke,
contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing
of the airplane.

"Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking
in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately."

Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am
going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as
you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit
cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight
pattern."

And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We
hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking
you for a ride."

A Caption Would be Superfluous

2009-01-23T14:53:00.002-07:00

On Choosing A CoPilot

2009-01-21T20:27:00.003-07:00

Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.

Richard Herman, Jr., "Firebreak"

"Falling With Style

2009-01-20T15:05:00.001-07:00

That's not flying, that's just falling with style.

— Woody, from the 1996 movie 'Toy Story,'
regarding Buzz Lightyear.

"Hero" is Too Small a Word

2009-01-15T19:33:00.001-07:00

Kudos to Chesley B. "Sully" Sullenberger and the rest of the crew of the U.S. Airways jet that landed in the Hudson River today!

Landing the airplane perfectly so that all 155 passengers are alive and mostly uninjured is an accomplishment we can all hope we could aspire to if called upon.

Getting all of the passengers to safety showed that every single crew member knew his job and executed flawlessly.

Congratulations to everyone whose preparation, vigilance and hard work contributed to this "miracle!"

Pilot to Tower

2009-01-14T13:33:00.002-07:00

Pilot to Tower: Pilot to tower . . . I am 300 miles from land . . . 600 feet over water . . . and running out of fuel . . . please instruct!

Tower to pilot: Tower to pilot . . . repeat after me: "Our Father, which art in heaven . . ."

From "The Humor Bin"

Never make fun of little airplanes!

2009-01-09T14:44:00.000-07:00

One day, the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.

Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said: "What a cute little plane. Did you make it yourself?"

Our hero the Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one."

_____________

Editor's Note - I fly a cute little Cessna Skyhawk. :-) But it flies better than my co-worker's Audi!

Even before the Patriot Act

2009-01-05T15:06:00.001-07:00

I ran across the following and was astonished to find that we apparently the U.S. had some really weird airport laws before 9/11!

The following are actual laws from a variety of places in the United States

Excerpts from Private Pilot, November 1987

IT IS AGAINST THE LAW FOR A PILOT TO TICKLE A FEMALE FLYING STUDENT UNDER HER CHIN WITH A FEATHER DUSTER IN ORDER TO GET HER ATTENTION. -COLUMBIA, PA

IT IS A VIOLATION FOR A WOMAN OVER 200 POUNDS AND ATTIRED IN SHORTS TO PILOT OR RIDE IN AN AIRPLANE. - POCATALIGO, GA

LINGERIE CAN'T BE HUNG ON A CLOTHESLINE AT THE AIRPORT UNLESS THE UNDIES ARE CAREFULLY HIDDEN FROM PRYING EYES BY A "SUITABLE SCREEN". - KIDDERVILLE, NH

NO FEMALE SHALL APPEAR IN A BATHING SUIT AT ANY AIRPORT IN THIS STATE UNLESS SHE IS ESCORTED BY TWO OFFICERS OR UNLESS SHE IS ARMED WITH A CLUB. THE PROVISIONS OF THIS STATUTE SHALL NOT APPLY TO FEMALES WEIGHING LESS THAN 90 POUNDS NOR EXCEEDING 200 POUNDS, NOR SHALL IT APPLY TO FEMALE HORSES.
- KENTUCKY

IT IS A VIOLATION OF LOCAL LAW FOR ANY PILOT OR PASSENGER TO CARRY AN ICE CREAM CONE IN THEIR POCKET WHILE EITHER FLYING OR WAITING TO BOARD A PLANE.
- LOWES CROSSROADS, DELAWARE

PILOTS AND PASSENGERS ARE PROHIBITED FROM EATING ONIONS BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 7 A.M. AND 7 P.M. - BLUFF, UT

CITIZENS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO ENTER AN AIRPLANE WITHIN FOUR HOURS OF EATING GARLIC. - WAKEFIELD, R.I.

NO FEMALE WEARING A NIGHTGOWN CAN BE TAKEN FOR A FLIGHT ON A PRIVATE PLANE.
- HEADLAND, AL

IT IS AGAINST THE LAW TO EAT ICE CREAM IN THE LOCAL AIRPORT WITH A FORK.
- BICKNELL, IN

NO MARRIED MAN CAN GO FLYING ON SUNDAY. - BURDOVILLE, VT

NO MARRIED MAN CAN GO FLYING WITHOUT HIS SPOUSE ALONG AT ANY TIME, UNLESS HE HAS BEEN MARRIED FOR MORE THAN 12 MONTHS. - WEST UNION, OH

NO ONE CAN PLAY CARDS ON THE AIRPORT GROUNDS WITH A WOMAN, A CHILD, OR AN INDIAN. - WHITE HORSE, NM

NO ONE - MAN, WOMAN, OR CHILD - CAN BE SEEN FLYING WHILE BAREFOOT.
- FAIRPLAY, CO

DON'T LET YOUR HORSE FALL ASLEEP IN THE AIRPORT. - PEEWEE, WEST VIRGINIA

WOMEN WHO ARE SINGLE, WIDOWED, OR DIVORCED ARE BANNED FROM PARACHUTING ON SUNDAY. - CRAWFORD, NEBRASKA

NO TURTLE RACES SHALL BE HELD AT THE AIRPORT. BOURBON, MISSISSIPPI

PEOPLE CANNOT PLAY CHECKERS AT THE AIRPORT, "LEST THEY ACQUIRE A TASTE FOR GAMBLING". - CLEARBROOK, MINNESOTA

CITIZENS CANNOT CARRY A SLINGSHOT ON AN AIRPLANE WITHOUT SPECIAL PERMISSION.
- OKANOGAN, WA

NO PILOT CAN EAT UNSHELLED ROASTED PEANUTS OR WATERMELON WHILE FLYING.
- LEADWOOD, MISSOURI

NO PERSON IS ALLOWED TO READ THE SUNDAY PAPER WHILE SITTING IN A CHAIR AT THE AIRPORT WHILE CHURCH SERVICES ARE GOING ON. - UPPERVILLE, VA

NO FLYER MAY WEAR A PAIR OF PANTS WITH HIP POCKETS WHILE FLYING. - GUYMAN, OK

GARGLING IS PROHIBITED WHILE FLYING. - HACKBERRY, ARIZONA

LOUD BURPING WHILE WALKING AROUND THE AIRPORT IS PROHIBITED. - HALSTEAD, KANSAS

IT IS AGAINST THE LAW TO SNEEZE IN AN AIRPLANE. - LYNCH HEIGHTS, DELAWARE

NO FLYING INSTRUCTOR "CAN PLACE HIS ARM AROUND A WOMAN WITHOUT A GOOD AND LAWFUL REASON" (WHILE FLYING). - ROCK SPRINGS, WY

JUGGLING IN FRONT OF AN AIRPLANE IS ILLEGAL. - WELLSBORO, PA

ROOSTERS MAY CROW, ONLY IF IT IS DONE AT LEAST 300 FEET FROM THE AIRPORT.
- STUGIS, MICHIGAN

2008-12-31T11:00:00.000-07:00

Happy New Year
and Happy Flying
in 2009.

This image is from Flight Simulator X. Can you believe it?

More great aviation quotes - these are from a friend in the military!

2008-12-29T16:16:00.000-07:00

'If the enemy is in range, so are you.' - Infantry Journal

'It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.' - U.S. Air Force Manual

'Tracers work both ways.' - U.S. Army Ordnance

'Five second fuses only last three seconds.' - Infantry Journal

'Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once.'

'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.' - Unknown Marine Recruit

'If you see a bomb technician running, keep up with him.' - USAF Ammo Troop

'You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.' - Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)

'The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.'

'If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.'

'When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.'

'Even with ammunition, the USAF is just another expensive flying club.'

'What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies;
If an air traffic controller screws up, .... the pilot dies.'

'Never trade luck for skill.'

The three most common expressions (or famous last words), in aviation are:
1) 'Why is it doing that?'
2) 'Where are we?' And
3) 'Oh shit!'

'Airspeed, altitude, and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.'

'Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!'

'Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.'

'The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.' - Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)

'There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.
Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970

'If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.'

'You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.'

As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives; the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, 'What happened?'

The pilot's reply: 'I don't know, I just got here myself!'
- Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)

Good Pilot Philosophies - Humor

2008-12-28T18:56:00.000-07:00

This is from one of those emails that seems to have been all over the planet. But in case you missed any, some of these are hysterical.

The difference between a duck and a co-pilot? The duck can fly.

A check ride ought to be like a skirt--short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover everything.

Speed is life. Altitude is life insurance.

It only takes two things to fly: airspeed, and money.

The three most dangerous things in aviation: A Doctor or Dentist in a Cessna. Two captains in a DC-9. A flight attendant with a chipped tooth.

Aircraft Identification: If it's ugly, it's British. If it's weird, it's French. If it's ugly and weird, it's Russian.

Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another very expensive flying club.

The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. A night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities to experience all three at the same time.

The similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies. If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.

It's better to break ground and head into the wind than to break wind and head into the ground.

The difference between flight attendants and jet engines is that the engines usually quit whining when they get to the gate.

New FAA motto: "We're not happy, till you're not happy."

A copilot is a knothead until he spots opposite direction traffic at 12 o'clock, after which he's a goof-off for not seeing it sooner.

If something hasn't broken on your helicopter--it's about to.

I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.

Basic Flying Rules:
1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.
2. Do not go near the edges of it.
3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly in the edges.

Unknown landing signal officer to carrier pilot after his 6th unsuccessful landing attempt: "You've got to land here, son. This is where the food is."

Introducing the Aviation Consultants Blog

2008-12-28T18:46:00.000-07:00

We have a family of aviators and we get great stories, humor and inspiration from pilots from all over the place.

We thought it would be nice to keep them in a place where they could be shared. Hence, the blog. Feel free to subscribe and comment!