- The difference between a duck and a co-pilot? The duck can fly.
- A check ride ought to be like a skirt--short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover everything.
- Speed is life. Altitude is life insurance.
- It only takes two things to fly: airspeed, and money.
- The three most dangerous things in aviation: A Doctor or Dentist in a Cessna. Two captains in a DC-9. A flight attendant with a chipped tooth.
- Aircraft Identification: If it's ugly, it's British. If it's weird, it's French. If it's ugly and weird, it's Russian.
- Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another very expensive flying club.
- The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. A night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities to experience all three at the same time.
- The similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies. If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.
- It's better to break ground and head into the wind than to break wind and head into the ground.
- The difference between flight attendants and jet engines is that the engines usually quit whining when they get to the gate.
- New FAA motto: "We're not happy, till you're not happy."
- A copilot is a knothead until he spots opposite direction traffic at 12 o'clock, after which he's a goof-off for not seeing it sooner.
- If something hasn't broken on your helicopter--it's about to.
- I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.
- Basic Flying Rules:
1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.
2. Do not go near the edges of it.
3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly in the edges.
- Unknown landing signal officer to carrier pilot after his 6th unsuccessful landing attempt: "You've got to land here, son. This is where the food is."