More great aviation quotes - these are from a friend in the military!

• 'If the enemy is in range, so are you.' - Infantry Journal

• 'It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.' - U.S. Air Force Manual

• 'Tracers work both ways.' - U.S. Army Ordnance
  
  

• 'Five second fuses only last three seconds.' - Infantry Journal
  
  

• 'Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once.'
  
  

• 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.' - Unknown Marine Recruit
  
  

• 'If you see a bomb technician running, keep up with him.' - USAF Ammo Troop
  
  

• 'You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.' - Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)
  
  

• 'The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.'

• 'If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.'

• 'When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.'
  

• 'Even with ammunition, the USAF is just another expensive flying club.'

• 'What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
  If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies;
  If an air traffic controller screws up, .... the pilot dies.'

• 'Never trade luck for skill.'

• The three most common expressions (or famous last words), in aviation are:
  1) 'Why is it doing that?'
  2) 'Where are we?' And
  3) 'Oh shit!'
  
  

• 'Airspeed, altitude, and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.'

• 'Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!'

• 'Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.'

• 'The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.' - Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)
  

• 'There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.
  Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970

• 'If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.'

• 'You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.'

• As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives; the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, 'What happened?'
  
  The pilot's reply: 'I don't know, I just got here myself!'
  - Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)

Good Pilot Philosophies - Humor

This is from one of those emails that seems to have been all over the planet. But in case you missed any, some of these are hysterical.

• The difference between a duck and a co-pilot? The duck can fly.

• A check ride ought to be like a skirt--short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover everything.

• Speed is life. Altitude is life insurance.

• It only takes two things to fly: airspeed, and money.

• The three most dangerous things in aviation: A Doctor or Dentist in a Cessna. Two captains in a DC-9. A flight attendant with a chipped tooth.

• Aircraft Identification: If it's ugly, it's British. If it's weird, it's French. If it's ugly and weird, it's Russian.

• Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another very expensive flying club.

• The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. A night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities to experience all three at the same time.

• The similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies. If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.

• It's better to break ground and head into the wind than to break wind and head into the ground.

• The difference between flight attendants and jet engines is that the engines usually quit whining when they get to the gate.

• New FAA motto: "We're not happy, till you're not happy."

• A copilot is a knothead until he spots opposite direction traffic at 12 o'clock, after which he's a goof-off for not seeing it sooner.

• If something hasn't broken on your helicopter--it's about to.

• I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.

• Basic Flying Rules:
  1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.
  2. Do not go near the edges of it.
  3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly in the edges.

• Unknown landing signal officer to carrier pilot after his 6th unsuccessful landing attempt: "You've got to land here, son. This is where the food is."